Here are 11 famous insults from history
- The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, “If you were my husband I’d poison your tea.”
He said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”
- A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
“That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”
- “He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr
- “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill
- “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” Clarence Darrow
- “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
- “Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas
- “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain
- “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends..” – Oscar Wilde
- “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.” – Winston Churchill, in response.
- “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop
A seven year old boy was at the centre of a court room drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the local football team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
‘A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales. So, he put up a sign that read, ‘Free Sex with Fill-Up’. Soon Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, ‘You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.’
A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess the correct number. Paddy guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, ‘Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time..’
As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy, ‘I think that game is rigged and he doesn’t really give away free sex.’Paddy replied, ‘No it ain’t, Mick. It’s not rigged at all at all. My wife won twice last week.’
1. Can you cry under water?
2. Do fish ever get thirsty?
3. Why don’t birds fall out of trees when they sleep?
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1 . (Whatever)
Men: What should we have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why don’t we have Mexican?
Women: No not Mexican, the last time i got pimples on my face
Men: Alright, why don’t we have Szechwan cuisine
Women: Yesterday we ate Szechwan , today too?
Men: Hmm….. I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood is not good, I got diarrhea
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: Whatever..
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1. No Breakfast
People who do not take breakfast are going to have a lower blood sugar level. This leads to an insufficient supply of nutrients to the brain causing brain degeneration.
2. Overeating
It causes hardening of the brain arteries, leading to a decrease in mental power.
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This should be your to-do list for daily life 
The most destructive habit: Worry
The greatest Joy: Giving
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A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, John! How ya doing?” His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh, no,” says John. “He’s on my bowling team.”
When they are seated, a waitress asks John if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,”How did she know that you drink Budweiser?” “She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.”
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If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?
At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask…
Why, why him, of all people.
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