‘A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales. So, he put up a sign that read, ‘Free Sex with Fill-Up’. Soon Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, ‘You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.’

A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess the correct number. Paddy guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, ‘Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time..’

As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy, ‘I think that game is rigged and he doesn’t really give away free sex.’Paddy replied, ‘No it ain’t, Mick. It’s not rigged at all at all. My wife won twice last week.’

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, John! How ya doing?” His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh, no,” says John. “He’s on my bowling team.”

When they are seated, a waitress asks John if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,”How did she know that you drink Budweiser?” “She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.”

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A married man was visiting his “girlfriend” when she requested that he shave his beard. “Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.”

James replied, “My wife loves this beard. I couldn’t possibly do it. She would kill me!!”

“Oh please?” the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice…

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A Teacher asks a student

What is the opposite of laughing?

The student says: sex!

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Lady: What is a good time for Sex?
Doctor: In the afternon between 2 to 4.
Lady: Why ?
Dr: The compounder will not be here…

Two women friends had gone for a girls’ night out..
Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to Pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.

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The bride tells her husband, “Honey, you know I’m a virgin and I don’t know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?”

“OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place ‘the
prison’ and call my private thing ‘the prisoner’. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

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A wounded American soldier in a battlefield hospital in Iraq tells the nurse: “I wish I could kiss the American flag if I am going to die!”

Nurse, extremely touched by the soldier’s patriotism:

“Actually, I have the American flag tattooed on my bottom. You may kiss my ass, if you don’t mind it.”

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The Man says, “Well, my son has just come home from college and I found out he’s gay.”

Joe says, “Man that’s terrible,” and gives the man his whiskey and beer.

Two weeks go by and the same man goes to the bar… He walks in and says, “Hey Joe, how about fixing me up with 8 shots of whiskey and 8 bottles of beer?”

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A man comes to his doctor and tells him that his wife hasn’t had sex with him for 6 months. The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her. So the wife comes into the doctors office and the doc asks her what’s wrong, and why doesn’t she want to have sex with her husband anymore.

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

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Punjaban: Me America ja rahi hoon apke liye kya lau
Husband: Aik American Ladki
Punjaban Wapas Ayi
Husband: Mera Gift!
Punjaban: 9 mahine intizaar karo.

Bivi ne aadhi raat ko “Qomi Tarana” chala diya.
Shohar ne kaha. Ye kia mazaq hai?
Bivi: Ye akhri try hai, es pe to pura Mulk khara ho jata hai

A woman got pulled over for speeding by a California Highway Patrol motorcycle officer. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book she said, “I bet you’re going to sell me tickets to the Highway Patrol Ball.”

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He said to me . . . I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it
I said to him . . . You wear pants don’t you?

He said to me . . …… Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said . That’s a good idea – you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart.

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