This guy goes to a party without his wife. He hears this other guy say
to his wife “Pass the sugar, Honey.” and “Pass the honey, Sugar.” He
thinks this sort of speech is a good idea.

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A man is calling the hospital and frantically saying:
“My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes
apart!”
The hospital staff worker asks:
“Is this her first child?”
“No, you, idiot! This is her husband!”

Husband:u will never succeed in making that dog obey u!
Wife:Nonsense it’s only a matter of patience,
I had a lot of trouble with u at first.

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son Bob in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough! I’m sick of her, and I’m sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Boston and tell her,” and then hangs up.

The son frantically calls his sister, who goes nuts upon hearing the news.

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WIFE:
What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

HUSBAND:
Definitely not!

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A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’

The husband replied, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’

And then the fight started…..

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. “I’ll have the steak, medium rare, please.”

He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”

“Nah, she can order for herself.”

And then the fight started…

One Night After Watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire…

A man and his wife went to bed and the man was getting very frisky. He asked his wife if she was in the mood.

His wife answered, “Not tonight dear, I have a headache.”

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