Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road.
They pass each other.
The woman yells out the window, PIG!
Man yells out window, BITCH!

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George Bush

After numerous rounds of ‘We don’t even know if Osama Bin Laden is still alive’, Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own hand writing to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of coded
message:

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GOD created the DONKEY and told him, ‘You will work tireless from sunrise up to sunset, carrying heavy bags on your back, you will eat grass. You will not have intelligence and you will live 50 years. You will be a DONKEY!’

The DONKEY answered, ‘I will be a DONKEY, but living 50 years is too much, give me only 20 years!’ and GOD gave him 20 years.

GOD created DOG and told him ‘ You will look after man’s house, you will be his best friend, you will eat whatever they give you and you will live 25years, You will be a DOG!’

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We are all a little weird and life’s is little weird and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it LOVE!

98% OF AMERICANS SAY ‘OH SHIT’ BEFORE GOING IN THE DITCH ON A SLIPPERY ROAD.

THE OTHER 2% ARE FROM MAINE AND THEY SAY, ‘HOLD MY BEER AND WATCH THIS.’

It was nearly Christmas and Judge Judy was in a happy mood. She asked the defendant, “What are you being prosecuted for?”

“Doing my Christmas shopping too early,” replied the defendant.

“That’s not a crime,” replied Judge Judy.

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There was this case in this hospital’s Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed on Friday mornings around 9am regardless of their age, gender, medical history or medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had to do with the supernatural: Why did death occur at that same bed around the same time every Friday?

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Dorothy was very upset because her husband Albert had just passed away.

She goes to the mortuary to look at her dearly departed, and the instant she sees him she starts wailing and crying.

One of the attendants rushes up to comfort her. Through her tears she explains that she was upset because Albert was wearing a black suit and that it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit.

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Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.

If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.

The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

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Dear Child,

I am writing this slow because I know that you can’t read fast.

We don’t live where we did when you left home.

Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.

I won’t be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn’t have to change their address.

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