There was this case in this hospital’s Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed on Friday mornings around 9am regardless of their age, gender, medical history or medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had to do with the supernatural: Why did death occur at that same bed around the same time every Friday?
Dorothy was very upset because her husband Albert had just passed away.
She goes to the mortuary to look at her dearly departed, and the instant she sees him she starts wailing and crying.
One of the attendants rushes up to comfort her. Through her tears she explains that she was upset because Albert was wearing a black suit and that it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit.
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
Dear Child,
I am writing this slow because I know that you can’t read fast.
We don’t live where we did when you left home.
Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.
I won’t be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn’t have to change their address.
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, “I hope I haven’t made you feel ill at ease; it’s just that you look so much like my late son.”
Do not sleep at night. Hence, you do not have to worry about getting up early in morning and to rush for job.
Do not take shower rather use deodorants and perfume to avoid public embarrassment.
Use the top and the bottom part simultaneously. I mean that eat and excrete simultaneously. However, if you think it is an obnoxious idea, then do reading rather than eating.
Brush your teeth while taking bath.
While sleeping, wear your shoes, this will save time in morning.
If possible, wear your office dress in night.
Hire servants who will do everything for you.
Wear your clothes while traveling.
Buy a car.
Finally yet importantly, do not leave your office in evening. Therefore, you will not have to worry about coming back.
Moving along a dimly lighted street, a friend of ours was suddenly approached by a stranger who had slipped from the shadows nearby.
‘Please, sir,’ asked the stranger, ‘would you be so kind as to help a poor unfortunate fellow who is hungry and out of work? All I have in the world is this gun.’ 
An Italian, French and Chinese went for a job interview in England.
Before the interview, they were told that they must compose a sentence in English with three main words: green, pink and yellow.
The Italian was first: “I wake up in the morning. I see the yellow sun. I see the green grass and I think to myself, I hope it will be a pink day.”
To: The Personnel manager
RE: Replacement of the dead manager
I refer to the recent death of the manager at your company and wish to apply for the replacement of the dead manager.
Each time I apply for employment I am told there is no vacancy but on this one I even attended the funeral and the all burial process and made sure that I hear from you who will take up the position. All I can remember is you saying that he will be difficult to replace meaning there is no one at the moment.
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”
Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
Three men were asked what they would want to be said about them at their funerals.
The first one said, ‘I want someone to say I was a wonderful father.’
The second man said, ‘I want someone to say I was the greatest baseball player ever.’
A professional juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.
“What are you doing with these matches and lighter fluid in your car?” asks the police officer.
“I’m a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act.”
I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, ‘Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?’
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a stupid idiot. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!
The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”
“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy.”
“Okay,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.”
“What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven’t been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!” “I know all that.” “Then why did you invite a friend for supper?”
“Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”
