1. If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? the bus is still late.

2. Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.

3. When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.

4. If you have paper, you don’t have a pen??. If you have a pen, you don’t have paper?? if you have both, no one calls.

Especially for Students

5. If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.

6. You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.

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Two Englishmen-businessmen in London – were sitting down for a break in their soon-to be new store.

As yet, the store wasn’t ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, ‘I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we’re selling.’

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A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I have got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words.”

The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly:

Paint…my…house

A computer can wait forever for you.

A computer doesn’t compare you with it’s past users.

A computer doesn’t get calls from it’s past users while you’re logged in.

A Computers do everything you tell them to.

A computer won’t look through your checkbook.

Computers don’t get upset if you use other computers.

Computers don’t play head games unless you ask them to.

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Shining a laser pointer on the President during an address.

Whisper to an airport security guard, “Did you bring the detonator?”

Entering the white house, screaming “Alalalalalala!!!”

Asking a Secret Service agent if he has any extra sniper rounds.

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Q: How do you recognize a blonde at a car wash?
A: He’s the one on his bike.

Q: What do you call a blonde at university?
A: A visitor.

Q. Why does a blonde smile in a lightning storm?
A. They think their getting their picture taken.

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1) When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap him on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

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A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

“Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”

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